Autumn has been cold to me.
She has looked frigidly into my soul and I’ve let my spirit escape me along with the warmth that summer took when she left
But last night I swam in the waters of fall,
falling in love with myself once again
sharing it with another
Living in my vulnerability with another was intoxicating.
I haven’t allowed myself to share this magic with anyone since the hurt
I realize I was still healing
I have been healing this whole time
It wasn’t perfect. We didn’t know our way around each other, the way I often wait to feel before I give myself to another. But I didn’t question this. Not this time. We had known each other for less than six hours but felt like a lifetime.
Sometimes an hour is enough.
Sometimes a moment is a lifetime.
I was connected to this being through our shared vulnerability and the way we recognized our bodies under the starlight
the way they felt like ours
the way they looked like our mothers’
Under the autumn sky our naked bodies didn’t hold preconceived notions
we weren’t defined by anything but our physical beings and souls
existing in this moment, submerged in these waters.
Aquí.
For once we were just... being.
There was not an ounce of insecurity under those stars.
No fear. Only vulnerability.
The night was tender and lovely.
Something I thought I had lost this summer.
I was beginning to believe I wasn’t meant to hold tenderness
but then she shared this moment with me
and was sweet to me and touched me tenderly
without asking for anything more
being thankful for this experience, being present with me
She let out a “Gracias, Dios”
and I felt her too
because that moment, was divine
I am reminded that these moments are mine because I create them
because I choose to be present with others
because I want to meet their souls halfway
I want to know their mothers through them
I live in this truth
And last night she and I lived our truths together
side by side
and it was magical
it was queer latinx tenderness
Autumn held me in her waters last night
with the light of her stars and the mist on her river
I became mine again.